Special May

I Quit!

On the sixteenth of this month, it will be the one year anniversary of the day I quit smoking. My close friends and fellow workers already know this because I mention the fact that I quit smoking at least every other day, probably much to their annoyance. I really would have thought that by this time I would be over it. I mean, I am over it, but I still have occasional longings.

I am totally over the cigarette after a meal and in the car. Also, we never smoked in our house so quitting the five times I would step outside for a smoke wasn't too difficult. I do miss sitting outside with the dog. Now, it feels strange to just sit there and stare off into space without a cigarette in my hand.

The part I am not completely over is the social part. I don't go out much, but when I do, I really want a smoke with my drink. I frequently find myself wishing I were one of the people who can smoke only when they drink. Sometimes I try to rationalize, maybe I could just smoke one. Alas, I know that is not the case. Just one and it would be over. Also, when a coworker leaves to take a smoke break, I really feel jealous. I miss the smoking social scene. There were always cool people out smoking. Not that my non-smoker acquaintances aren't cool, it was just a way to get away and socialize.

I have full body cigarette cravings about every month or so now. The craving is a sort of anxious, antsy feeling. It's like how you feel right after you've been frightened and your muscles feel kind of weak and jumpy at the same time. They're pretty easy to get over. You would think after one year you wouldn't have any cravings, but I smoked for nineteen years. Yeah, I said nineteen. It is hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I am even old enough to have smoked for nineteen years.

Several things keep me from smoking again. I would like to tell you that it is for my health and saving money, but it isn't. The first reason I won't go back to smoking is my husband quit five months before me and would bury me alive in the back yard if I lit back up. The second reason is I told myself I would quit when I finished nursing school because I didn't want to lean over my patients smelling like a dirty ashtray. The third reason is other smokers smell like a dirty ashtray. Every now and then, the scent is appealing. There's a doctor at my hospital that always smells like cigarettes and cologne and I find it pleasant. However, when I walk into a patient room and it is full of smoker family members, I thank myself for quitting. Stale cigarette odors are nasty.

So, yay me! I quit.

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I won't be quitting this one!

My husband and my anniversary is at the end of this month. We don't usually make a big deal of it. We don't really make a big deal of any holidays except maybe the Kentucky Derby. Derby is a holiday right? This year, I told him I want to go out to celebrate my birthday, quitting smoking, and our anniversary all together. We haven't blown money on a ridiculously expensive meal in a long time. I'm thinking Z's Oyster Bar and Grill (Filet and Crab Legs! Mmmmm!) or maybe Morton's downtown (where we ate the weekend after we married).

In the end, I don't really care if we go or not. The times I really enjoy with Tommy can't be planned. Like last night, we listened to Steely Dan and sang the whole way home from dinner. I love those times with my baby. Happy Anniversary!