Facebook Flatulence

I love me some Facebook! It is wonderful to get in touch with old friends, see what's going on their life, explain to them that you've been a slacker but recently managed to get your shit together. Most of all, I just like to see who's on there. People you know well, people you sort of know, people you don't know, people you wish you knew. I like crawling through other people's friend lists, looking for that ever evasive long lost friend or that hottie from high school. (Did I really send that guy an anonymous rose on Valentine's Day? He's still wearing bloochers with duct tape and peg-legging his jeans!)

I have so far been fascinated by the whole "friending" part. I have been surprised many times by some of the friend requests I have received. I am an open book. There might be a handful of people I have met in my whole life who I absolutely cannot stand. Therefore, I have accepted every friend request that has come my way. I especially love the "do I know this person?" request. I chalk it up to all those drugs I did in the 2000's and hit Confirm.

For some reason, I will accept any one who requests me, but I am timid about sending out friend requests. I will see someone and some little memory will pop up in my head and I will want to friend them. But I don't. Well, usually I don't. Until, one day, I was looking through one of my best-friend's (let's call her June-Bug) friend list. I saw this guy. I knew him in high school. I think we may have even gone to a dance together. He was HI-larious! Let's call him....Bill Woodstown. Now remember, I am a timid friend requester, so after a day or two of thinking it over, I sent him a friend request. He promptly accepted and my friend tally increased.

One of my memories of him is so adolescent I am getting pimples just typing this. He would fart all the time. He farted a lot. June-Bug was never able to resist a good laugh at farts. To this day farting and people tripping and falling down still send her into peals of laughter. This only encouraged Bill Woodstown. So one night he though it would be funny to run around us in circles while farting. (He may have been the original crop duster!)

So. Long story long. The other day I had a friend request and I was like "Hey! Cool!" and then I sent a message to June-Bug to say, "Look who friended me! Wow, blast from the past!"

It was during this private FB messaging that I mentioned to her that I had seen a picture one of her past flames on Bill Woodstown's FB page. I wanted to be able to give her better directions to the pic and I went to my FB friend list.

Lo and Behold! Bill Woodstown was nowhere to be found on my friend list. I had been UN-friended!!!! OMG! I was aghast! I made one small step for friend-kind and then took one giant step into a pile of moon poop! Well of course, I immediately start coming up with reasons he would unfriend me. Maybe I broke his heart and didn't realize it. No... Maybe he... No..... Maybe....no, not that either. I honestly can't come up with a reason for him to slap me in the face like Elton John challenging Liberace to a duel.

In the end, all I have to say is look out Bill Woodstown! If you see me out in public you better run fast or you will soon find yourself trapped while I fart circles around you!