Close Encounters. . . of the Annoying Kind

I have always believed that most humans, or maybe North Americans, have a certain sense of personal space. If a place is crowded and you have no choice but to stand side-by-side or sit in a chair next to stranger then it is socially acceptable to do such things. Otherwise, one should give strangers the courtesy of space. I do realize that some cultures don't observe this as much as others. I usually think those cultures are from countries with very large populations crowded into cramped cities. Like the major "metropoli" in Japan, China, and India. But here in the United States of America, one thing we are not short on is space and most people avoid being too close to others unless they have to.

This is not the case whenever I go to the movies with my husband. We are early birds by nature. We get to the movie theater early enough to enjoy being raped of our money at the concession stand. We allow plenty of time for last minute bathroom visits. We make sure we have the seats that we want. We try to go to matinees during the week to avoid crowds. Our habit is to enter the theater with Tommy walking in front of me because I like him to pick the seats. Sometimes we like to sit in the very top row because the arms on the chairs raise up and we can snuggle. (Note: this plan does not work if you are going to see a movie that kids will see too. They like to sit in the back row and you will not be able to enjoy your movie.) Every time, we choose seats at a respectable distance from others.

We are convinced that we are human magnets. EVERY DAMN TIME we go to the movies, someone comes in and sits directly in front of us or even directly behind us in an almost empty theater. This annoys the ever living shit out of us. Does this not annoy you? Are we crazy to think that the person should sit at least a few seats down so we can lean back, put our feet up, and chat without feeling like we're being listened to? I understand if lots of people are coming in, but I'm talking like 15 empty rows and some asshole/assholes always choose to sit right smack next to us.

This is a very close representation of the people in the theater that day and where they were sitting.

See what I mean? Rows and rows of empty seats and yet the guy sits right next to us! It makes me feel creepy, like he's some kind of sex offender or something.

It has gotten to the point that we just look at each other and start hysterically laughing. The offender/s must be wondering what the hell set it off considering they are close enough to hear us breathe and therefore must realize that nothing funny was said. I then spend the next ten minutes before the movie starts thinking about how much I want to stand up and move to other seats. However, for some strange reason, one feels like this would be a silent F-you to the person and we stay right where we are. Why? I do not know.

This is going to be my new resolution. As soon as someone comes in and sits closer than necessary to us, we are going to get up and move just a few seats down. Only an idiot would not get the message. Why should I be uncomfortable at the hands of an social oaf? My new motto is "Back off buddy! This is the U-S-of-A! And I have spacial rights!"